Real Life

As I said I've been out of the cyber world because I've been in the real world. There were the holidays and spending time with family. In the midst of it I had to deal with furnace failure, computer failure, TV failure, and year end finances. I also took Maria to the hospital emergency room.

Maria's last menstrual period never stopped. In fact she was bleeding more after 7 days than at the start. Our medical group said we needed to go to the emergency room. It's a very long wait. We spent 7 hours to see a nurse practitioner and get an ultrasound. The diagnosis was that Maria has fibroids in her uterus. This is not that serious. They gave her medicine to stop the bleeding and it worked for a day or two, but then she started bleeding again. She's still seeing doctors and they are not completely sure why she's bleeding so much but still don't seem to panicked. As of yesterday the bleeding stopped. It's kind of scary. It's taken something out of me as well.

I'm still working on stuff. Part of me thinks that if Maria died I'd be free of a lot of restrictions and my life would be better. That's really stupid, I know, but my mind goes there anyway. I'm tired of her getting having physical and emotional problems. I like being athletic. I don't like growing old and dying and stuff like this makes me think about just that. I want to avoid it.

Our last date night was on a day the bleeding had stopped. She was in a great mood and wanted sex with me. I was feeling upset about our PG movie restriction. We had watched a dumb boring old movie for our date. She didn't feel up to anything more than watching a movie. I also felt conflicted about her being ill. I got tired and my stomach hurt a bit and used these as excuses to avoid sex with her. I felt very guilty and depressed the next morning.

Last night I had learned my Black Snake Moan lesson. We talked some, watched some TV and even had sex. It was good.